My Youth Taken!

For weeks we dated and time passed by.  We did grow closer, however I wasn't ready to give him my all.  We went out one night and he drove me to an old realstate building on hwy 17 in Mt. Pleasant, SC.  He drove around to the back and parked the car.  Yes we kissed and yes I liked it because I liked him.  He got out of control and I thought that I wanted to go all the way, I really didn't know any better and didn't know how to say no.....and when it came right down to it I screamed out NO!  I told him that I had changed my mind and he said to bad that I was going to do what he said.  I cried out and No over and over came out of my mouth, he was to strong and went on to tak advantage of me and what he wanted!  Scared and not knowing what to do I lay there and tried to go somewhere in my mind as so I didn't have to go through what was happening to me.  I felt lost and wanted to go home....he told me not to tell anyone and I had better keep my mouth shut.  He told me that he loved me and I felt so dirty!  I was lost and very stupid not to tell!  He wanted to see me again and I thought maybe he was telling me the truth and that some how it was my fault, that maybe I had led him on and that he could not control himself.  I know now that no fault of mine that this had happened to me.....I didn't want to lose my virginity to him or anyone else especially the first guy that I went out with.  I should never have blammed myself!  He should have paid for what he did to me!!  Just because he went to the Citadel and I didn't want his life to be ruined....MINE WAS!  I continued going out with him, I figured that I was spoiled and that I should be with the man that said he loved me.  We dated a few years ad then the time came that I ended up getting pregnant!  YES PREGNANT!  My mother found out when we were on one of her business trips in Columbia, SC.  On our way home I began to cry and told her that I thought I might be pregnant.  And of course my mother right away told me that I would have to have a abortion.  That Val had to finish school and that a baby would ruin that for him....there was no thought on how I felt about the situation.  I wanted to have my child and died inside the day that it was taken fom me.  I lay on the couch in my living room and he entered the front door....I told him as I lay there and could not look him in the face crying to leave me alone and that we could never be together.  It had made me sick to know that he was even in the room with me.  You see he could have atleast been there with me, not there then not there now!  I drifted into myself and into a lost deprssion!  I knew that I would never be me again.